January 2010
God, please let me leave this pain in 2009.
I suppose this year has been full of change. Looking back on it, the times have been good. It’s only as of late that I’ve felt forgotten. But I think I’m ready to start new.
Trying not to cry.
I feel as if my independence is to blame for my lack of socialization. I’ve always felt as if I was whole in my self, as if I didn’t need another to truly be happy. But as of late, I’ve come to the realization, that I need others to be happy. And due to my choice for isolization I have caused my life to be filled with emptiness.
You find all of your ugly meanings in the things...
December 2009
Happy New Years Eve.
it’s like finding out everything you’ve believed in is a lie.
“It’s like my life isn’t even real to me unless you’re there, and you’re in it, and i’m sharing it with you. And I don’t know what I was waiting for, and I don’t know what I was scared of, but I’m not. I’m not scared and I’m not waiting. I’m here.”
nothing feels real.
“I was four years old when I realized my immortality amongst this world. I’d always been fearful of life, of growing, even then. I never wanted to grow up, because somehow I knew growing would be painful. Not only in the physical sense but also emotionally too. I was aware of the messiness of life. But as my current self knows, there is no avoiding those painful experiences, for, if...
The sand was oozing through the chasm’s of my feet as I stood looking out at the ocean which was large enough to engulf my worries and I felt the tears trickle from my eyes as I contemplated my life and what it had become. And in that moment I realized I was lost and this sense of loneliness caused a fear to erupt inside of me and this fear could not be hushed with my usual distractions,...
i’m lost.
The grass was dampened with a blanket of dew as I laid staring at the stars shimmering like rays of sun on a dimaond and I tried to look away but my eyes continued to gaze at a skyful of beauty and I felt the many avoided questions catch up to me and I tried to runaway but the pressure was too strong. Still, the sky just stared back at my unmoving face as I tried to decipher what...
As of late my life has been a whirlwind of change, and i feel as if everything is out of control. my friends aren’t even my friends anymore, they’ve moved on, found new things and new people to surround themselves with. I feel as if I’ve been left, in the shadows of a past life. What hurts the most—what always hurts the most—is the memories. I remember riding in the...
I’ve been taking a look at what my life has become tonight. And although I’m ultimately happy with its outcome, I can’t help but sift through the many mistakes, losses, and pain I’ve experienced. What frequently pops into my mind, is the thought that, time, even the tiniest of incriments, can elicit so much change and havoc upon one’s life.
This december has been a...
i can’t even remember the last time i felt truly happy. where the burdens of family, friends, and school weren’t pressuring me. i hate to be this pessimistic, but right now i am so unhappy with everything. so for the time being pessimism is where i will be.
The journey which accompanies life is inevitably changing, there’s no pause botton. There is Nothing we can do to prevent time from elapsing. Time is my worst enemy, it’s taken more away from me than any theif or liar could. And what it has stolen I am unable to retrieve. Stolen property is easily returned, and the truth is simplisticly revieled.
It hurts me to understand that no...
“there are many things i would like to say to you, but i don’t know how.”
One day, her first day of High School, she saw him. Everything she dreamt he would be, but how it would end she could never dream.
She’d never felt like that before, it all seemed so new, so exciting. But that’s not how it would end.
Together they spent most days. And everyone thought they...
i honestly have no idea what my life is right now. or where my life is. i’m tired of going out into the world and presenting my face to them.
there is a war inside of me.
it’s hard to believe that this time of year two years ago, i was attempting to be something i wasn’t, just to fit into what you wanted me to be. and it hurt when i realized that i could never live up to those expectations, but the fall back down was worse. it had taken me many years to discover who i was, and what i stood for, and when i met you, i lost it all. it still hasn’t...
i’m tired of being the last one considered. of being the one that no one really cares about. i’m tired of this silent wandering that i’ve been doing. it seems as if it may be me, that’s forgetable because i’m the one who’s constantly left alone, waiting in anticipation. i’m done with anticipating and i’m done pretending i actually care about you, and...
i don’t care how, or if, you think of me. i’m living for me and no one else. you are unaware of what i’ve been through, of what i’m going through. and it doesn’t occur to you that i may hurt, or i have secrets you’ve never imagined, but i do. so the next time you’re standing there and you feel as if i’m no good for you or your friendship, remember...
i never said thank you for that. now i’ll never have a chance.
“i have an unquenchable thirst, i’m incredibly fast and i sparkle in the sunlight. what do i have?”
“DIABETES!”